Here we go again. Nearly every presidential election cycle in recent memory involves liberal celebrities and average Americans alike threatening to flee the U.S. if they don’t see their desired outcome at the polls.
This year, that sentiment has risen to unprecedented levels. The prospect of a President Donald Trump has caused legions of Americans, who aren’t exactly sure why they disapprove of Trump, to threaten to leave their home to seek greener pastures and less “hatred and bigotry” elsewhere. The destination of choice – Canada.
A recent poll conducted for “Global News” found that nearly 20 percent of American respondents would “consider moving to Canada” if Donald Trump was to be elected president. Seeking to capitalize on promises no one intends to keep, Joe Goldman, a young entrepreneur based in Austin Texas, has decided to create a unique matchmaking service. “Maple Match” is a new dating service that, in its own words, “makes it easy for Americans to find the ideal Canadian partner to save them from the unfathomable horror of a Trump presidency”. Goldman, a self-described man of “liberal persuasions” has a great deal of respect for Canada’s left-wing progressivism and wants to help oppressed Americans “go to a place where you’ll be happy.”
“When the election came about and I started seeing Donald Trump and the rise of his candidacy I started getting concerned, just like anybody else,” Mr. Goldman said according to “The Guardian”.
The launch of Maplematch.com raises a few questions. Why would a young entrepreneur of “liberal persuasions” choose to base his company in Texas? Why not New York or California? I guess the “entrepreneur” part of Joe outweighs the “liberal persuasions” part.
Secondly, why Canada? Why not El Salvador, Pakistan or the Congo? It can be safely assumed that many of Maple Match’s prospective clients are Bernie Sanders supporters. Why didn’t Joe launch notoiletpaperorelectricitymatch.com which connects socialist Americans with like-minded people in Venezuela? Is it because they’re all racist? Why choose one of the whitest countries in the world? Is it because of Canada’s proximity to the United States? Why not Mexico then? It’s warm, has beautiful beaches and there are very few privileged white people to screw things up. Why not create an exchange program on dontdrinkthewatermatch.com where Americans who are petrified of a Trump presidency can swap homes with illegal Mexican immigrants? It’s a win-win for all involved.
Although Maple Match has yet to officially launch, nearly 5000 singles have already signed up for its services, “The Guardian” reports. “Please help me”, one American man wrote on his application. “I found out my parents are voting for Trump and it literally broke my heart.” Many Canadian citizens appear to be open to the prospect of giving asylum to oppressed American refugees. “I want to meet an American woman who disapproves of Trump,” said one Canadian man. “She must be willing to become a hockey fan and eat maple syrup and beaver tails in my igloo.”
The level of hypocrisy and irony surrounding this story is staggering. Despite all the threats, there is one thing we can be sure of; no one is going anywhere. Many of Canada’s socialistic aspects that are so endearing to American liberals, like Universal health care, are positions actually embraced by Donald Trump. The only reason Trump haters can cite for their disapproval and fear is that Trump is a “racist.” So they are going to move to a country that is almost exclusively white? How many days of eating maple syrup and Beaver tails in an igloo before some spoiled ex-pat would come running back to the good old USA?
Joe Goldman won’t even go to San Francisco, so it is unlikely he will be going to Canada. Ironically, the only thing that could make Joe flee his despised United States would be the election of a far-left president he claims to share an ideology with. If this young entrepreneur built a wildly successful company, would he be more than happy to give 70, 80, maybe 90 percent of his income to his progressive heroes? I have a feeling that “Maple Match” would suddenly become “Guinness Match” based in Dublin, Ireland.